Repeats
by narglesandbowties
Summary: In The Big Bang, the Doctor chooses to stop reliving his memories as he is being erased from time due to the cracks in the universe. But what if he wasn't able to? What if he was forced to live through his past regenerations and companions?
1. Donna

_"The Doctor and Amy Pond...and the days that never came. The cracks are closing. But they can't close properly til I'm on the other side. I don't belong here. I think I'll skip the rest of the rewind, I hate repeats. Live well. Love Rory." he leaned in and kissed her forehead. "Bye-bye Pond"._

He braced himself, ready to completely cease existing. Sure enough, the room surrounding him and the sleeping Amelia Pond faded away...yet to his shock, it was quickly replaced with a new scene...an all-too familiar scene...as he watched a younger version of himself stagger to his TARDIS as an Ood faded from view.

"NO!" screamed the older man as he watched his TARDIS vanish, watched as a tiny, but visible crack was revealed with his ship's departure. "I said I wanted to skip the rewind! Please, I don't want to live through these regenerations!"

But it was too late. The scene was fading, only to be replaced with another, like a half-remembered dream. He saw the shock and utter joy on his face at being alive, saw that instantly disappear as the knocks occurred. His older self watched ashamedly as he raged against fate, his two hearts feeling pity for the man who never stopped running, himself. Was that even possible? He stood, paralyzed, as the door was shut, the body crumpled pathetically to the floor. There was nothing he could do.

Before he knew it, the scene had changed. _Donna. His brilliant Donna._ He wanted so desperately to say something, anything, to let her know she was there. Yet as he watched, he realized. This was not his Donna. This Donna had forgotten him. He couldn't even whisper words in her ear- the Time Lord in her would instantly recognize him and therefore burn. _Soon,_ he thought with a sigh,_Donna would have nothing to remember_. Maybe then he would stop feeling guilty...oh, wait. Soon he would stop feeling anything.

Tears welled in his eyes the next time he saw her. His brave Donna, his silly, humany wumany Donna. She would have been such great friends with Pond. He approached the bench she was sitting on, ready to come up with something, anything, until he saw that she was not alone. Donna appeared to be arguing with a blonde haired woman...not just any blonde haired woman..._Rose._ His breath caught in his throat as he stared at two women that he dearly loved and never expected to see again. He was content just to stare at them.

Too soon, much too soon, Rose got up and walked away. The Doctor was so very tempted to follow Rose, to speak to her, hold her in his arms and never let go, but he knew his place was with Donna. Another Donna that still didn't know him, he deduced. Donna didn't turn left.

As he followed her home, he gathered through conversation that all hell had broken loose in this alternate timeline. The Earth was in a state of panic, reeling from the disasters that he vividly remembered preventing. _Wait a minute,_ he realized. In his mind, this timeline had changed. It was no longer a possible future. It _was_ the future, the future once he ceased to exist. And there was nothing he could do about it.

He knew what he had to do. He had to help Rose convince Donna to die while she still had something to die for. That night, when Donna was about to fall asleep, he whispered into her ear: "Donna, you are so important and so, so brave. Go to her. Save the world".

The last thing he saw before he faded away was Donna's back marching resolutely towards Cardiff.

Finally, he got to see his Donna, a Donna that knew him, that brought him so much joy. His best friend. She was in a robe, lounging poolside. _Midnight._ Without hesitating, he dialed Donna, a number that he had long since deleted from his phone yet was still perfectly committed to memory.

She picked up second ring. "Hullo, Donna Noble, temp and companion-but-not-in-the-sexual-way speaking!"

"Donna! Hallo!" his voice cracked as he held in tears.

"It's a friend of the Doctor's. Now listen to me carefully, Donna. After we're done talking I want you to alert the authorities here. There's trouble on the Doctor's travel-route, and they need to get a head start over there."

He watched Donna's face instantly fill with panic for him. _How much longer can these things squeeze at my hearts before they break?_, he wondered.

She interjected with many half-formed protests. "Wha-How do you-How can I trust-How can I get to him?"

"Shhh, Donna", and amazingly, she complied. "Just trust me on this". The tone of his voice visibly calmed her. Could she recognize him?

"Now after you alert the authorities, wait here. He'll come back to you. But when he does...I don't want you to say much, okay? Just be there for him. Comfort him as best you can. He loves you so much. You're his best friend and you mean so much to him. And you always will...he-he told me that".

Donna's face, though full of happiness at his words, contorted with confusion. "Who-who are you?"

He felt himself fading away. Soon Donna would be reunited with her Doctor, and he would be able to enjoy her hilarious company again for a while longer.

"I'm nobody, Donna Noble. I guess you could say I hardly exist at all".

He hung up the phone and faded away.


	2. River

When he opened his eyes, he saw a spacesuit and froze. _River._ How differently he had viewed her then, when they first met. Even now he still could not completely trust this fascinating woman, but oh, how he had wondered at her on this day, the day of her death.

Oh, River! To spend her last day with a man who had no idea who she was! He couldn't let her die alone. Not this time.

When she was alone, he whispered softly into her ear. "Hello, sweetie".

"Doctor!" she wheeled about, searching for him with a look of delight that pained him to see.

"I've just flown the Pandorica into the heart of the TARDIS" he informed her. That would be information enough for River to know why she couldn't see him.

"Oh". Her face fell. "You're being forgotten, aren't you?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so. River..." his voice cracked, finally displaying the fear that he refused to show throughout all of his travels. "...is this the end for me?" Despite his age, he suddenly felt like a small child.

River's face, seasoned with experience, was impassive as she stared towards the source of his voice.

"Spoilers, my love".

The Doctor smiled tiredly. "As I had expected".

"How long do you have here?" River inquired.

"No idea".

"Stay with me?" she asked, her customary confidence gone. "You don't know me here in this library. It hurts".

His attempt at humor was well received. "River, I couldn't shake you if I tried".

He followed her through the library, catching glimpses of Donna and his former self, feeling ashamed of his treatment of River. When a remark of his particularly stung, he would reach out and grab River's hand, feeling her add pressure to his in gratitude.

As soon as she was alone again, he pulled her aside, careful to stay in the light.

"River, do you have my screwdriver?"

"Yes actually, you gave it to me when we watched the Singing Towers."

"Good, good. So you know my name?"

River's head snapped up, eyes wondering and startled. "I get to know that?"

"You do now," he replied as he leaned in and whispered the secret words. Tears formed in River's eyes.

"Thank you" she breathed.

Suddenly there was a commotion in the room. The spell was broken.

The Doctor stayed with River Song to her last breath. She never saw him, yet she felt his presence and that was enough. As she bid the younger Doctor goodbye, she felt familiar lips press themselves to her cheek.

A choked voice whispered "goodbye, sweetie", giving her the strength to plug herself in and end it all.

A blinding flash of light, and both River Song and the Doctor were no more.


	3. Jenny

He materialized in yet another death scene. _Jenny._ His daughter.

For a few precious hours he had let himself believe that he was not alone, that he had a family again. His memories, so often repressed, opened like a floodgate as he thought about his precious granddaughter, Susan. Possessing strength he never would've guessed she had, Susan chose to live a human life until the Time War-no, her own grandfather- erased her from existence. Now his last surviving flesh and blood had just met the same fate.

The Doctor was so blinded by his memories that he didn't notice Donna, Martha, and himself leave in the TARDIS. In fact, the only thing that broke him from his remembrances was motion from a nearby table- the blonde haired figure had s_tirred._

To his and the two men attending to her's shock, the young woman sprang from the table, giant smile on her face.

"Oh, ho!" the Doctor exclaimed amid the calamity. "That's my girl! Like father like daughter!"

As she clambered into the spaceship, he raced after her, longing to speak with her one last time. Jenny was fidgeting with the controls when the Doctor finally reached her.

"Come and find me," he whispered into her ear, the challenge apparent.

Unfazed by the mysterious voice, Jenny was quick to answer.

"Yes, Father dear" she replied with a cheeky grin.

The Doctor didn't mind fading away this time after the precious information he had just discovered. Jenny was alive and out among the stars, freeing him from the guilt he had held in his heart for so long.

He never paused to realize that as he ceased to exist, so did she.


End file.
